London Day 2 - Shopping at Selfridge's

Its a rainy and dreary New Year's Day in London and Fallen Angel wants to be taken shopping. We end up at Selfridge's on Oxford Street, where we get several sets of lingerie for her ($250), boots ($128), lots of MAC cosmetics ($240), and perfume -- Chanel No. 5 ($130) and her favorite, Tom Ford's Black Orchid ($125).

But what I most enjoy is being told to buy sunglasses for her boyfriend. Fallen Angel takes her time selecting the nicest pair of glasses. She describes her boyfriend to the shop assistant and explains that the sunglasses are a gift, so my role as a pathetic paypig is perfectly clear to everyone around. Taking out my credit card and paying for the sunglasses ($330) makes me hard. As we walk away from the counter and down the elevator of the department store, I let my Goddess know how much I enjoyed that.

Back at the hotel that evening, Fallen Angel allows me the pleasure of a fashion show to see the lingerie we purchased that day and the dress I purchased for her earlier from Agent Provacateur. She looks amazing.



Then she tells me to try on a cheap padded bra and panties she bought:

She makes me go out into the hallway of the hotel in the lingerie and lie down the floor for a photo. We hear some people farther down the hall near the elevators, but I don't think they looked our way.

One Week in Lingerie

My Time of the Month

Goddess Manuela just left for her Valentine's Day ski vacation a bit early. I am sure that she will enjoy the beautiful mountain scenery, the skiing, and the romantic nights with her fiancé, all at my expense.

However, Goddess Manuela didn't forget about me. She sent me an e-mail with a very specific and humiliating assignment to perform while she is travelling:

I've had an idea for you. Since you are such a slutty boy, you should learn all the pros and cons of being a woman. I want you to go to the drugstore and buy yourself some pads for the menstruation (whatever you call them there). Make sure they're pads, those with side wings are even better. Also buy some insertable tampons. Buy the extra large size.

First, put one pad on your panty and sleep with it for a night. Take pictures for me and upload them on your blog. You must take pictures of your panty area only, while wearing the padded ladies panty.

Next morning, after showering, get a tampon and insert it in your lubed asshole, so it's totally hidden, only the string left out. Make sure you leave the string out, otherwise you'll need medical help to take the tampon out of your filthy ass. I want you to go to the office with your ass filled with a tampon. I don't care if you can't shit or fart, you will wear the tampon until you get home. You must wear a pad again during the night. I want pictures of your ass filled with the tampon and the padded panties on you. The panties must be lacy and see through.

On the day of our meeting I want you to sign on to Yahoo messenger earlier than our meeting hour and place next to your name a message saying "I have a tampon up my ass." And you should have it!

I immediately went to the drugstore and purchased a container of 18 Stayfree maxipads with wings and a box of 20 Tampax tampons (super plus size). The young black woman working the register gave me a funny look when I came to the counter with just these two items, but she rang them up without comment.



Update: Mon. Feb. 5 at 11:45 pm. -- The maxi pad seems a little large for my Brazilian-cut panties, but Goddess asked for something lacy & see-though and I do adore this blue and lavender combination:





I know these photos show just how desparately I need to have my legs and crotch shaved. Goddess Manuela plans to require this of me very soon.

Update: Tues. Feb. 6 at 8:39 am. -- Tampon going in . . .



Now the tampon is firmly in place and I have cute little white tail:



I am off to work like this.

Thurs. Feb. 8 at 7:15 pm -- This is my third day of wearing tampons in the day and maxipads at night. Having a tampon in my ass all day is not painful, but I am constantly aware of its presence. It feels "full" . . .sort of like you feel when you are on the verge of dropping a piece of shit into the toilet, except the feeling never goes away all day.

Fri. Feb. 9 at 8:30 pm -- For the last two hours, my status message on Yahoo IM has announced "I have a tampon up my ass" for all my contacts to see.

I believe that this is the last day of my "period." This has been an enjoyably humiliating experience. I still have plenty of tampons and pads left. I may need them again. In fact, I may need them for 3 or 4 days every month from here on . . .

Lingerie Shopping -- The Reality (Part Two)

This morning I got up and under the button-down shirt and dress slacks I normally wear to work I put on Patricia Field bikini panties (black with pink trim) and sheer white thigh-high stockings. Quite a change from my normal boxer shorts.

As I rode the subway and walked the streets on my way to work, I kept wondering whether anyone could read my eyes or the way I was walking and guess the silky secret beneath my pants.

I left work early so I could do the lingerie shopping that Goddess Manuela had instructed. I went directly to the Victoria's Secret flagship lingerie store in Herald Square -- a two-story, brightly-lit emporium of all things frilly, satiny, and sexy. It was a Friday evening less than two weeks before Valentine's Day and the store was packed with women shopping for things to brighten up their boyfriend's or husband's winter.

I approached a salesgirl and informed her that I had been told to buy all the items on the list Goddess Manuela had given me. She helped me find a number of lacy pastel panties from the Sexy Little Things collection, but she assumed that I was purchasing them for someone else.

Then, I did a little shopping on my own, picking up several silky nighties (like the pink satin slip at left) that Goddess Manuela told me that I should wear each night in bed.

When I returned upstairs to the main lingerie area, I went to the hosiery section. I had a question about the meaning of the stocking sizes (A, B, C) and an attractive, very efficient Indian sales associate came over to help me.

She asked me how tall the girl I was buying the stockings for was. I said, "About my height." I paused nervously, then look the plunge, saying "Actually, they're for me."

She smiled and just said, "I see." She looked at the three silk nighties I was carrying on hangers and the shopping bag with several pair of panties inside and said, "Let me help you with those." I assume that they make a commission on sales at Victoria's Secret and she realized that she had a potentially big customer.

She helped me select several stockings and pairs of pantyhose and then walked me around to the various panty collections in the store holding my purchases. She helped me find the items on Goddess Manuela's list but also suggested several other items that she thought I should get. One time, the only pair of panties in the size and color I wanted were on a mannequin, so she happily took them off the mannequin for me and placed them in my bag.


Soon I had 16 pairs of panties of all colors and styles -- thongs, bikinis, regular briefs, hip huggers, Brazilian-cut -- as well as 4 satin slips or nighties, 3 pairs of stockings, and 2 pairs of pantyhose in my bag. The salesgirl allowed me to skip the long line at the main counter and had my purchases rung up at a side register. The total came to $440.

I came right home to show my purchases to Goddess Manuela. All my colorful new lingerie was in a distinctive, bright pink Victoria's Secret bag. It was a large bag, so it was obvious to everyone on the subway what I was carrying.

Lingerie Shopping -- The Reality (Part One)

Goddess Manuela had a fast and very positive reaction to my Lingerie Shopping fantasy. She wrote me the following:

Concerning your fantasy, I notice that we're on the same wave length. I want to control every aspect of your life my sweet, online and offline as well. I want you to buy yourself more women lingerie (pink, red, leopard print, pastel colours) and start wearing those at work everyday. You also must wear stockings underneath, but you're allowed to wear men socks on top, as I don't want to embarrass you at work or in front of your clients. I just want my little slut to feel sexy all the time. When you go to bed at night, I want you to wear sexy women nighties, babydolls. Take some pictures of yourself if we don't see each other that day/night.

That got me very excited and I immediately planned a trip to Victoria's Secret for the end of the week. When Goddess Manuela learned where I planned to shop she sent me a detailed list of panties and stockings to purchase that she created from the Victoria's Secret website. However, she made clear that I was not permitted to buy lingerie for myself on-line -- I needed to go to the store and tell the sales girl exactly what I wanted and exactly who it was for. Her note attached to the wish list said:

These are the items you must buy for yourself my pet. Go to the store and tell the shop girl that you've been instructed to buy these exact items. Then feel the satin and make sure you let everyone see that you can't wait to try them on.

:) Happy shopping!

Lingerie Shopping (A Fantasy)

Mistress Manuela and I walk into Victoria Secret. Mistress is wearing an elegant black business suit and I am wearing casual sports wear -- khaki pants, a blue shirt and a jacket. It is a Saturday afternoon and the store is full with people shopping, mostly women and few couples. The walls and shelves of the large room are covered with frilly delectable things of all colors and styles -- jade green teddies, pink corsets, bright red camisoles, black silk panties, garters, stockings of all types. It is a paradise for my eyes and just being there with my Mistress gives me a bulge in my pants.

I say, "Mistress, I will buy you what ever you like. How would you some beautiful European lingerie by Azzuma? Or how about the Nikita or Francoise collections by Agent Provocateur?

Mistress whispers to me. "We can shop for those thing later, my pet. I have different plans for today." Mistress walks up to the nearest shop employee -- a tall, innocent-looking blond young woman who seems about 20 -- and asks for her name.

She says "I'm Julie, How I can help you today?"

Mistress says "I am looking for some things for my friend here" and points at me.

Julie says, "We don't have much. We might have a few men's briefs and boxer shorts in the back of the store."

Mistress says, "That is not what I had in mind." And then loudly, so that everyone in the store turns and stares, Mistress says "What size panties do you think he wears?"

Julie looks confused at first, but then she looks into Mistress's eyes and knows that she is not joking. Julie pulls out a pair of cherry red bikini briefs off the nearest shelf and holds them up to my crotch to judge the size. Julie speaks to Mistress in a low, slightly embarased voice and says, "I think a small. Is there much down there . . . we need to be concerned with?" as she points to the bulge in my pants.

Mistress smiles and answers loudly, "No, don't worry about that. He has a very small cock; it shouldn't get in the way." Everyone in the store is pretending not to listen, but I can tell they are all watching with amusement and are barely able to keep from laughing.

Mistress tells Julie to put together a large collection of panties and other lingerie for me. Mistress tells me that she is not sure whether they will fit and that I should go to the back of the store to try them on. Julie comes back to the dressing room to assist me with the sizing. I can see the excitement on her pink cheeks as she tells me that it is store policy that an attendant always be present in the dressing room to prevent theft. So, I take off my pants and then my boxer shorts as she watches and I try on pair after pair of panties -- pink cotton briefs, black silk thongs, g-strings, low-rise panties, red lacy panties. Occasionally, Julie adjusts the panties on my ass or front and tells me how pretty they make me look. I can tell she is enjoying my ridicule almost as much as Mistress.

Finally, I have tried on all the panties and I am ready to go. Julie has already rung up a $400 bill for the lingerie. I look for my boxer shorts and I can't find them. Julie smiles and says that my Mistress took my underwear away when I was trying on the lingerie. I leave the pink satin panties I am wearing on and pull on my pants.

I go out to see Mistress and she has just taken scissors, cut my boxers into four pieces and thrown them into to the trash. She laughs and says, "I hoped you picked out some comfortable panties today. Those rags in the trash were your last pair of men's underwear. Early this morning while you were sleeping I threw out all your other boxers and briefs. From now on, underneath your suit each day at work will be a frilly feminine pink secret."

Julie hands me the large shopping bag of lingerie to carry home -- it is a clear plastic bag so everyone can see what I am carrying. She smiles and says, "It was a pleasure helping you today and I am sure I will see you again many times in the future."

As we walk down the street away from the store, Mistress says, "Also remember, my slave, that these panties will serve almost as a chastity belt -- to insure your fidelity -- because how could you ever take off your pants for another woman knowing that you would have to show her the panties you are wearing?" Mistress just laughs and then calls her real boyfriend on her cell phone to arrange their date for that night.

I am Goddess Manuela's Slut

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Masturbation Journal: A Fantasy of Permanent Transformation

I wake up late the next morning, remembering my shopping from the previous night. I fantasize about living as Tonya Truckler. At first, I only occasionally dress up when I meet Goddess Alexandra; keeping Tonya's clothes, shoes and wigs hidden in my closet. Then, I get so much stuff that I rent a small storage unit in lower Manhattan -- stopping in there when I need to transform into Tonya. Over time, I rent a studio apartment in the East Village where I can keep my growing collection. Goddess Alexandra visits and tells me to paint the apartment a bright, sissy pink inside and to buy a queen-size bed with red satin sheets and a dressing table with a big mirror and lights. At this point, my cross-dressing is so effective that I have rented the apartment in Tonya's name and have several credit cards and subscriptions to fashion magazines in her name.

More time passes. One night, I am out with Goddess Alexandra and she stares into my eyes and says, "Tonya, Do you want to be mine forever?" I say, "Yes, of course." She says: OK, Lets get rid of [velvet slave], he is a third wheel in this Goddess/slave relationship. You have three weeks. He can tell his employer and parents that he is moving overseas somewhere to Europe (he can occasionally call to check in). He can give up his apartment and transfer all his assets to Tonya. Tonya can get her own job and live in her own apartment. In three weeks, after you have done this, I want you to give me [velvet slave]'s passport, driver's license and any other forms of identification. I'll keep this in a safety deposit box. You'll be Tonya from then on."

Masturbation Journal: Victoria Secret website

I have just spent the past several hours shopping for Tonya Truckler on the internet. I ordered items from Henry & June, Victoria Secret and other companies to put together a complete outfit to come alive as a devoted slut for Goddess Alexandra: padded bra, panties with hip pads, stockings, a black dress and a wig.

Of course, I enjoy looking at the models as I am doing the shopping. But I don't get sexual pleasure just from looking at the erotic women (or fantasizing about sex with them) as most straight heterosexual men would. Instead, I also simultaneously enjoy the idea of being (or becoming) the women, wearing the lingerie, and being the subject of another person's fantasy. Sometimes these blend together in a feedback loop -- I am not sure if I'm fantasizing about fucking a woman or fantasizing about being a woman being fucked by a man.

I move quite a bit about the Victoria's Secret site as I masturbate -- changing images, constantly getting new stimulation. I finally come while looking at the section with corsets and teddies.

An Epiphany