Masturbation Journal: A Fantasy of Permanent Transformation

I wake up late the next morning, remembering my shopping from the previous night. I fantasize about living as Tonya Truckler. At first, I only occasionally dress up when I meet Goddess Alexandra; keeping Tonya's clothes, shoes and wigs hidden in my closet. Then, I get so much stuff that I rent a small storage unit in lower Manhattan -- stopping in there when I need to transform into Tonya. Over time, I rent a studio apartment in the East Village where I can keep my growing collection. Goddess Alexandra visits and tells me to paint the apartment a bright, sissy pink inside and to buy a queen-size bed with red satin sheets and a dressing table with a big mirror and lights. At this point, my cross-dressing is so effective that I have rented the apartment in Tonya's name and have several credit cards and subscriptions to fashion magazines in her name.

More time passes. One night, I am out with Goddess Alexandra and she stares into my eyes and says, "Tonya, Do you want to be mine forever?" I say, "Yes, of course." She says: OK, Lets get rid of [velvet slave], he is a third wheel in this Goddess/slave relationship. You have three weeks. He can tell his employer and parents that he is moving overseas somewhere to Europe (he can occasionally call to check in). He can give up his apartment and transfer all his assets to Tonya. Tonya can get her own job and live in her own apartment. In three weeks, after you have done this, I want you to give me [velvet slave]'s passport, driver's license and any other forms of identification. I'll keep this in a safety deposit box. You'll be Tonya from then on."

Masturbation Journal: Victoria Secret website

I have just spent the past several hours shopping for Tonya Truckler on the internet. I ordered items from Henry & June, Victoria Secret and other companies to put together a complete outfit to come alive as a devoted slut for Goddess Alexandra: padded bra, panties with hip pads, stockings, a black dress and a wig.

Of course, I enjoy looking at the models as I am doing the shopping. But I don't get sexual pleasure just from looking at the erotic women (or fantasizing about sex with them) as most straight heterosexual men would. Instead, I also simultaneously enjoy the idea of being (or becoming) the women, wearing the lingerie, and being the subject of another person's fantasy. Sometimes these blend together in a feedback loop -- I am not sure if I'm fantasizing about fucking a woman or fantasizing about being a woman being fucked by a man.

I move quite a bit about the Victoria's Secret site as I masturbate -- changing images, constantly getting new stimulation. I finally come while looking at the section with corsets and teddies.

Session with Mistress Amanda

[I don't recall the details of this session or whether I enjoyed it, but I can see from the legs in these photos why I selected Mistress Amanda.]

Sessions with Goddess Vanessa